When I graduated from high school, I was at my then heaviest weight, 240 lbs. In two years, I had put on 80 lbs. After I dumped the loser, I started to bounce back fairly quickly. I sort of reinvented myself and began making my outside more closely resemble who I felt I was on the inside. I did things that made me happy, like getting my labret pierced, getting multiple ear piercings, and adopting a goth/metal look that Mike had expressly forbidden while we were together. By the time I started college in the fall, I had started to lose a good bit of the weight I had put on during the past two years, and I felt so much better about myself.
I still wasn't where I wanted to be, but I wasn't really actively dieting or trying to lose weight. The simple fact that I was no longer being force fed helped the weight to just fall off. I've always had a large frame, so I knew that chances were I was never going to be a 2 or 4, and I didn't want that. I just wanted to look good and feel good about myself. At my lowest, I weighed in at around 207 lbs, which was as close as I would ever get again to my goal weight.
During my second year of college, I found myself in another bad relationship. He wasn't controlling or manipulative like Mike had been, but it was an unhealthy relationship that affected my self esteem and self image because he was constantly cheating on me. At the time, I couldn't understand what was wrong with me, why I wasn't enough for him, why he couldn't love me enough to stay with me. I didn't realize then that he didn't love me at all. I could have found the strength to leave him, but I was pregnant with my oldest daughter. I had this errant belief that it was in her best interests to try to make things work out with her biological father. I thought she should have both her mother and her father in her life, and I held on to this relationship for far too long trying to make that happen. I have always been an emotional eater, and while I was unmarried, pregnant and stressing out about trying to hold on to that doomed relationship, I put on about 60 lbs.
During my second year of college, I found myself in another bad relationship. He wasn't controlling or manipulative like Mike had been, but it was an unhealthy relationship that affected my self esteem and self image because he was constantly cheating on me. At the time, I couldn't understand what was wrong with me, why I wasn't enough for him, why he couldn't love me enough to stay with me. I didn't realize then that he didn't love me at all. I could have found the strength to leave him, but I was pregnant with my oldest daughter. I had this errant belief that it was in her best interests to try to make things work out with her biological father. I thought she should have both her mother and her father in her life, and I held on to this relationship for far too long trying to make that happen. I have always been an emotional eater, and while I was unmarried, pregnant and stressing out about trying to hold on to that doomed relationship, I put on about 60 lbs.
I decided to breastfeed my daughter because I felt it was the best possible thing I could do for her, and because my midwife told me that it would help me to shed the extra pregnancy weight quickly. During the first 6 months of her life, I lived on campus in family housing and basically became a single mother. Her biological father was absolutely no help to me at all. I found it exceptionally hard to eat well because I was always grabbing something to eat on the go, something that I could eat one handed while I was nursing or studying. Needless to say, breastfeeding, although a completely amazing and wonderful choice for my daughter, did nothing for my flabby, post-baby body.
I didn't begin to lose any of my baby weight until my daughter was about a year and half old. By this point, I had realized that it was far better for her to have one devoted parent than it was to try to hang onto a parent who didn't want to be a part of her life. Getting out of that relationship was the motivation I needed to start doing something for myself. I had moved back home and finally had some help with my daughter. Mom and Dad offered to watch my daughter while I participated in a fitness program, so I joined the Curves that had just opened in our town, and started working out three times a week. I really liked the fact that the Curves workout was quick and easy to do. I saw some loss of inches, but not much weight loss. Finally, I tried the curves low carb diet and actually lost quite a bit of weight on that plan, but I was sickly the whole time I was on that diet. I really feel that highly restricted eating plan contributed to my frequent infections and sickness, so I stopped adhering to it, but continued to work out. I reduced my weight to around 250 while at Curves, but I was never able to get below that 250 mark.