This week I have been at a standstill. No weight loss or gain. I get on the scale every morning and feel so frustrated. It's starting to bring me down, and so I've decided to put the scale away. I am going to do a one month no weigh challenge. I can't let my self worth be tied to the number on the scale. I am going to measure my success by my measurements, my clothes, and how I feel. Wish me luck!
So this has been a very hard week. First it was hard because the girls wanted Pizza on Monday and I caved and ate 3 pieces, bread and all. I have been trying to get rid of that all week long. The inflammation/water weight just stuck with me. Then, Thursday morning, my Momma had to be taken to the ER and was later admitted to the hospital. I went over right after school on Thursday and stayed until 10:00, and then I went over at 7:00 Friday night and stayed until they released her at 6:00 Sunday night. It's very hard to stay on plan when your only food options include a hospital cafeteria, a sweet shop, and a Wendy's, but I thought I was doing very well. I typically had bacon and scrambled eggs for breakfast and a ranch salad with grilled chicken from the salad bar, and either a small chili or a bunless burger for dinner.. Unfortunately when I weighed in Monday morning, I saw that the week, along with all the commercially prepared meals of the weekend, had definitely taken its toll on me. I wanted to cry when I looked at the numbers on the scale and saw a gain instead of a loss. This is the first time in many, many weeks that I have seen a gain.
However, the more I thought about it, I realized that all that the number on the scale tells me is my gravitational relationship to the earth. It does not define me, and it can not tell me everything there is to know about my overall health and success. Here's some proof of that. To the right are two pictures of me. The one on the left was taken on Mother's day, 2014. The one on the right was taken a week or so ago; they are just a little more than one year apart. I barely recognize the woman on the left. Thankfully, I don't know who she is anymore. This is a much better measurement of my overall health and success than some numbers on a scale after a horrendously stressful and tough week.
Here's another non scale indicator of my overall health and success. The picture to the left was taken on Monday, which was Memorial Day. I was preparing to go with Chris to visit my inlaws, and in the name of comfort, I chose to wear a tank top that I recently bought (It's a XXL! So glad to get out of the XXXL range). I can tell you exactly when the last time I wore a tank top out in public, much less a form fitting one like this one, was. Yes, it was NEVER. I have never had the self confidence to wear something like this out in public. I've always thought my arms and face were too fat to wear tank tops, but look at me now! I felt perfectly comfortable in this, and the added bonus was that I didn't burn up because it was hot that day.
As I mentioned in a previous post, my reward to myself for losing 50 lbs is my first tattoo. I met with my artist earlier in the week and have a 4 hour session booked for June 4th. I realize that the 2 lb gain I suffered this week may prevent me from being 50 lbs down by that time. I still have 4.4 lbs to go until I reach that first big goal, and I just don't know if I can do that in a week. I felt a bit like a fraud at first, keeping my appointment. However, I've come to realize that those 4.4 lbs don't define me. I will lose them, whether this week or next, and even if I don't lose them before June 4th, I still deserve to be rewarded for all of my hard work thus far.
My final piece of proof that the number on the scale is not the be all end all of my health and success is that I also took my measurements this week. With everything going on with my mom, I didn't have time for new progress photos, but those will come next week. Below are my current stats:
Week 12 - 282.6 lbs (+2 lbs, -45.8 lbs total)
Total Inches Lost: 44
BMI reduction: 6.9
I had a great week. My fitbit arrived on Monday, and I have been wearing it ever since. It has really helped to make me aware of how active I am, and has encouraged me to be even more active. I love how it tracks all of my steps much better than my hip pedometer ever did. I also like how it tracks my heart rate and my sleep. The silent alarm is pretty top notch too. I can get up without bothering Chris in the mornings, which is great.
Short update today, will do new pictures and measurements next week since it has been almost a month since I last updated those.
Week 11 - 280.6 (-4.8 lbs, - 47.8 lbs total)
So I've been fairly active on a couple of THM facebook groups. This week I joined an unofficial group, a 60 day no cheat challenge. The idea is that you try to eat on plan, at the right time, while exercising and drinking plenty of water. I can't say that I exercised any more this week, or that I didn't occasionally go too long between meals, but I think I did fairly well. I did not eat even one off plan item, but let me tell you, that was a feat of willpower on my part the size of a mountain.
This was Teacher Appreciation week, and it seemed as though I faced temptations every where I turned. On Wednesday morning, our administration sent around a cart of sugary doughnuts of death.. There were apple fritters on that cart, and let me tell you, apple fritters are like the best thing ever; however, I politely declined. Thursday, I had to supervise a field trip and lunch was provided. What did they serve? Papa John's pizza, only my favorite pizza ever. I got two slices, ate the toppings, and threw the bread away. Friday, was probably the toughest day. In the morning, I had a reusable water bottle in my mailbox that had a batch of homemade fudge in it! I gave it to my kids. Then, they provided us with sub sandwiches for lunch. I left instead, and got a Subway Double Chicken chopped salad. Near the end of the day, a wonderful student tried to bring me a ginormous chess cake bar. I thanked her, but asked her to take it away from me because I can't have it.
I am so proud of myself! I don't know where this willpower came from, but I like it. 6 months ago I would have devoured that and probably looked for more. To celebrate my accomplishment, I am going to bake myself a gluten free, sugar free, fudge brownie crusted cheesecake today. Happy Mother's Day to me!!
Another awesome thing that happened this week was that I got a Fitbit Charge HR for free! My work insurance includes the Humana Vitality program, and after my recent vitality check I discovered that I could cash in those points for free stuff. I had accumulated enough vitality bucks over the last few years to get a free charge, and I was so incredibly happy about this. I had planned to buy myself one (I wanted the purple one) but I just couldn't justify spending that much money on myself. I did have to settle for a black one, but I will gladly take a free black one over a $150 purple one! It shipped today, and hopefully will be in soon. Double Happy Mother's Day to me!
This week's weigh in blew my mind. I have pretty much consistently lost 2 lbs per week since about week 3 of THM. I lost more at first, but everyone does due to water weight. I didn't expect to lose more than 2 lbs, but when I stepped on the scales this morning I had lost 3.6 lbs! It seems like I just celebrated getting under 300, and now I am almost 15 lbs under 300. I have lost 43 lbs. I am 7 lbs away from my first major goal, which was to lose 50 lbs. When I lose 50 lbs, I am rewarding myself with getting my very first tattoo, something that I have wanted forever. I have already contacted my artist and he's putting together my design.
Sometimes I want to pinch myself and ask myself if this is real life. I am so thankful for THM. It has saved my life.
Week 10 - 285.4 (-3.6 lbs, -43 lbs total)
Last Sunday, my family didn't want to eat anything I had in the house to fix. My youngest desperately wanted to visit our local Chinese restaurant, a place we haven't been since I started THM. I figured, as well as I had been doing, one cheat meal wouldn't hurt me, and cheat I did. I attacked that buffet bar. I tried to tell myself I was making better choices, as I skipped out on the potatoes and rolls that I would have normally put on my plate, and I drank water rather than a diet soda, but I still loaded my plate down with sweet & sour chicken with red sauce, sesame chicken, wontons, corn nuggets, and close to 1/2 lb of crab legs. It was absolutely delicious. I didn't eat until I was overly stuffed, as I once would have. I ate till I was satisfied and enjoyed every bite of my meal. At least I did until the next morning.
Monday morning I woke up as sick as a dog. I was nauseated and bloated. I felt like all that food was still hanging around in my stomach. I was so disgusted by the mere thought of food that I skipped breakfast. I took a couple of gas-X and hoped for the best. By lunchtime, I was feeling marginally better, so I ran down to our local health food store and got a Quest protein bar for lunch, just to get my metabolism going. I still felt pretty gross about the thought of eating anything. Eventually, the horrible feeling passed, but all I could think about was how I did this to myself. No matter how delicious that food had been, it wasn't worth the horrible way that it made me feel. I had a pretty good idea that it would make me feel bad in advance; I just had no idea how very bad it would make me feel.
In addition to feeling bad, according to the scale, I had gained back 4 lbs! That's two weeks worth of weight that was supposed to be gone forever. I was so ashamed of myself. I tried really hard to get back on plan, but it was hard because I was having cravings for more unhealthy food and Monday was a long day for me, with my oldest daughter's away soccer game and me needing to stay at school and grade papers. I didn't leave school until 8:30 that night. Every morning, I stepped on the scale praying that some of the gained weight would come off, but it was an incredibly slow process. I felt sure that I had ruined any chance of weight loss this week. On Friday, I weighed in at still .6 lbs over my last recorded weight. I was even more sure week 9 was going to have to go down as a gain.
I remembered that some of the ladies on the THM facebook group had said that when they cheated, drinking Good Girl Moonshine (GGMS) helped to get them back on track. A lot of times what we gain from just one cheat meal isn't so much actual weight and is more bloating and fluid retention, and GGMS helps with that. I fixed myself up a quart of Raspberry Zinger GGMS to take to work with me Friday. If you are a THMer and haven't tried the Raspberry Zinger GGMS, you are definitely missing out. It is delicious. I sipped on it all morning, hoping and praying that it would help.
Yesterday, I got up and stepped on the scale. I was almost afraid to look to see what it would say, but I was pleasantly and unexpectedly surprised!
Week 9 - 289 lbs (-2lbs, -39.4 lbs total)
I couldn't believe that I had actually lost 2 lbs despite everything and despite the fact that all week long it had looked as though I had gained a ton. It is amazing what GGMS can do to flush the lingering effects of a cheat meal from one's body. I really need to go back to drinking it every day. It doesn't take much time to make, and I could definitely do make ahead drinks the night before.
Here are some other victories from yesterday. I had a conference to attend, but as I mentioned last week, all my clothes are falling off of me. I found some jean capris that were a size 22 in my closet. The last time I tried to put on a 22 a couple of weeks ago, it wouldn't zip or button. These pants fit me perfectly! I had no trouble zipping or buttoning them at all! What's even better than that is that I reached in the pocket and found a receipt that I had probably forgotten to take out of them the last time I wore them. It was dated early 2011! I haven't fit into these pants in 4 years. I think that is pretty amazing!
I also snapped a selfie because I noticed as I was getting ready that I could actually see my jawline and that I actually had a shadow on my neck! This made me so incredibly happy.
After my conference was over, I met up with Chris and the girls. They had been out enjoying Free Comic Book day and were at the park. I had gotten advance tickets to see Avengers: The Age of Ultron, and we had a lot of time to kill before the movie so we decided to get something to eat. I knew I didn't want a repeat of last week, so I chose Golden Corral buffet because it literally has everything imaginable. I was so pleased with my dinner. I ended up having sirloin steak, roasted summer squash with onions and green peppers, roasted asparagus, roasted brussell sprouts, a ceasar salad with spinach, broccoli, bacon, tomatoes, onions, and lettuce, and several strawberries for dessert. It was absolutely delicious, and you know what? I feel wonderful today!
34 year old mother of two from Eastern Kentucky. I am determined to lose weight so I can live healthier and be a better parent and role model for my girls.